Suicide is one of the painful reasons for people we loved to pass away. It is also the scariest thing to think about, but many people commit suicide because they no longer understand what is going on with their lives. Instead of talking to people, they choose to keep to themselves because they don't want to burden others. They are our angels that we need to protect, but we can't be around them all day long, and sometimes, we forget to check on them because of our busy day. And when they pass away, we want to make sure that their remains will be placed in angel urns for human ashes because they are our guiding light.
We regret that we cannot ask and comfort them about the things they are going through because we have problems running in our minds all day long. We want to make up for the time that we lost, but we can no longer go back in time. And end up blaming ourselves for what happened. We formulate the what-ifs in our heads and an imaginary scenario to help them make the pain go away.
If you are a parent or kin of the person, you will feel all these emotions or even worse than you ever imagine. You might be starting to question yourself about how it happened or how you had not known about it. What happens changes your perception of life and how you will live it. It will change everything in you.
It is hard for a parent to lose a child even if they have many, but each of them is a precious gift. And losing one of them over suicide is a painful thing to think about. All your plans for them and the love you have given them make you ask yourself where you went wrong in raising them. Have you done your best to make them open up with you about everything, or are they afraid to tell you what they have been experiencing?
The changes in you are not in the emotional aspect, but mentally and physically too. You will not notice these changes as much as others, but you can still see them. This change is what you are heading towards because of the emotions you are building inside your heart.
When you lost a child or anyone in your family over suicide, you will start being sensitive towards your family members emotions and reactions to things you say or do. You will begin to communicate with them to be comfortable talking to you about what is happening in their lives. It is because you want to know how you can help. You will start analyzing their gestures and norms and how they will react to everything.
It is because you don't want to lose someone in the family for the same reason. You want to make sure that everyone is comforted and that you attend to all their needs so they won't feel alone or unfavored.
You will become more intimate with your beliefs because of what happened. You want to be closer to the Almighty because you want everyone in your family to be safe. That even though you are not around, you can be assured that they are doing fine. And you want everyone in your household prayer more than what they do on regular days.
If you are not that prayerful, you will start to become one because of it, and you don't want to grieve for anyone in the family because of it.
Losing people we love is the hardest thing to accept. It needs time, process and determination to overcome the pain. But losing a loved one over suicide is a different angle of life. A different battle of pain that we need to fight. We become more vulnerable and lonely than we think we could be. It is draining our whole body and mind.
You are not only sensitive, but you are vulnerable to things that are connected with it. The word would even be taboo in your home. Whenever you hear that word, you feel like you can't breathe.
There is no easy way to grieve for the people we love. But it is more painful when we lose them because they feel that they no longer understand themselves and feel lonely. We get to blame ourselves for what they think and how things end up. And there are no words that can describe the pain, but one thing we can assure ourselves is that they love us.
If you know someone going through depression, loneliness and uncertainties in life, talk to them. Don't try to make them feel better about your better life. But make them think that no matter what life throws in them, they can survive. Offer them help by listening to their unuttered thoughts because they feel depressed and lonely because they have no one to talk to.
If you are grieving and can't get over the pain of what happened to your loved one, please know that you are not alone. Some people care and are willing to listen to you. No matter how hard it may be, there will always be one person willing to listen to what your heart is aching. And you are called suicide survivor for the reason that you have someone in your family died because of