Overcoming loneliness is not easy, especially when you just lost someone you loved. It is a continuous battle that no one will notice because you show people what you want them to see. But when you are alone, you would curl up on your couch, weeping the tears in your eyes because you miss them so much—holding the bracelet for ashes urns of your loved ones.
The battle of overcoming loneliness takes days, months and even years. Waking up every day without them in your side is torture that you need to bear because you can no longer bring them back to life. Yet, you want to continue life because you want to make them proud of what they want for you.
There are days that you want to break free from the pain and take your life. You become tired of the loneliness you feel, especially when you are exhausted about work and you have one to lean on. You would miss them so much. The days that you would love to feel their embrace and their advice are already gone.
All the days you have after you lose them are gloomy. It feels like rain every day, and you have no choice but to handle it. You like to continue the life that you already have when they are still alive, but it's hard. You will encounter things that you wish are still alive so you can share things with them.
Things are changing so quickly for you, and grieving is like another day. You need to survive to get out of it. The cruelty of life excuses no one, whether you will be alone when it takes your loved one. It does not matter for as long as life sets it to be that day. It will take them away from you. Cruel, isn't it? But that is life. We can complain of the feeling that it is not fair. You had to think that it did not consider that you will become lonely when it takes your loved one.
Loneliness is like walking in a big mall that will close in a few minutes, and everyone in the store you pass by is slowly packing their products because it's closing time. You only see a few people walking, and they are heading towards the exit to go home. And you are also on your way to head out the exit door, but you turn your head back when you finally reach the exit door looking at the big mall that is now beginning to be empty.
It is like how you feel when you lose your loved one. You are so happy and lively when they are still alive. You are full of life, but you lost them when they passed away. You want to get back up your life, like how the big mall would light up the next when they open up again. That is supposed to be the goal you have in your life. It would help if you had a purpose to be better, but you don't have to rush. You need to take your time and do small steps at a time. When you are fully healed, the sun will come out the following day you wake up.
When you close your eyes, they say you can go beyond the border and what your naked eyes can see. You can go to places without leaving your set or in bed- imagination is what they are trying to work. But when someone blindfolds you or covers your eyes with their hands, and you see nothing, you feel lonely. You only see darkness around and everywhere. You feel empty that you want to get out of it.
You want to open your eyes immediately because you can't see anything. It is like how you feel lonely when you lose someone you love. You want to get away from darkness because you want to see and feel more. But you are surrounded with sadness and loneliness in your heart because you miss them. And you wish that with all the things you do, they are there for you.
You want to get away with it. But you are stuck because you can't let go and accept the reality that they are no longer around. It is expected, wishing and hoping that all the things that are happening are not valid. That you will wake up the following day and realize they are all dreams.
You want to get out of hand covering your eyes, but it is too strong that makes you weak. It is like how you want to get out of loneliness, but it does not let go that easily. You need to match your strength to the ones covering your eyes to see the light, like how you need to strive harder to see the new day and the opportunity to continue life.