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When we think of the people working at a funeral, we automatically assume that they are used to the emotion of losing people. And when someone passes away in their family, the impact will no longer be that intense compared to other people who are not used to it. But what you feel when you lose your loved one is what they think too when they are in the same situation. They also need cremation jewellery as a remembrance. 

They also grieve like other people. But sometimes, there are privileges that they can take since they are working at a funeral. It does not mean that it will take the pain away from missing the people they loved, yet it helps them financially and saves more money. They are going to the funeral and see other families grieving for their loved ones. They see that every day, even though it hurts them to see other people cry because they think about their families too and don't want that to happen. 

But things hit differently when they are the ones whose co-workers assisted for a funeral. It feels like yesterday they were handling other families' funerals for their loved ones, but they are now standing at the door to have the body processes for cremation. And decide whether to have it placed in a columbarium or keep it in their homes. It is sadder when they are the ones processing the cremation of their loved ones. 

  • These people would joke about their pain.

  • They don't want to take everything seriously so that they won't feel so suffocated in pain. Joking around is their mechanism to forget they are in pain and don't want others to see it. They would let you know that they are doing good in coping up with their loss. But the truth is they are dying inside to burst into tears. 

    You can comfort them by getting along with the jokes they are telling you. And give them a light atmosphere so that they won't feel any pressure of releasing the pain. But give them bits of advice that they can joke around with their emotions right now, but they need to face it later. Assure them as a friend you will always be there for them. 

  • They will tell you that they are already used to it. 

  • Since they are working in funeral services or centres, it is easy for them to tell you that they are used to this kind of stuff in their life. That is true! However, losing a loved one is a different thing and hard to deal with. They will tell you that it is okay and you don't have to worry about them. 

    They are trying to deny to themselves what is happening around them. Talk to them about the things that they are dealing with right now in their life. Ask them about what they feel. They might not tell the truth about what they think, but the more you talk to them you are opening the door to their hearts to tell you how they truly feel.

  • They will volunteer in everything.

  • They with all the funeral process since they are the ones who are more knowledgeable with it. But even though there are things that are already beyond their capabilities and knowledge, they will still help with it. There is nothing wrong with it, but it can be a symbol of a defensive mechanism. They want to tire themselves with all chores to ensure they won't think about the person once they rest. 

    Even if you tell them to rest, they will refuse it because they want to help. They would say to you that they want to make sure that everything is alright within the funeral. But the truth is that they want to escape from pain, and they don't want to think about it. 

  • They don't want to be seen as weak.

  • Their defensive mechanism of working in a funeral centre would be an easy excuse. They can think for others to see that they are doing fine with what is happening. They will no longer feel so much pain because they already know the cycle of life and accept it. Crying is defined as weak for them.

    They don't want other people to see them in that situation because they think they are fitted for the job they are in. But like the rest of us, they would likely break down and cry for this loss. And feel even worse because they don't know how to handle the pain they see in other people's eyes. 

    If you know someone in this kind of situation, don't assume that they are strong enough to handle all the pain of losing someone they loved. If they break down in the side because they feel that no one sees them, but you saw them. Let them cry because that is the only way they can release their emotions.